No escape necessary

If you could do anything today, what would you do?

It’s a classic fantasy that we all like to indulge from time to time. In my previous life I often thought about what I would do ‘if I could’. It always made me sad to think about it since I felt powerless to ever have the life I imagined. Ironically, it was losing the life I thought I couldn’t live without that allowed me the opportunity to grow and create the fulfilling life I now have. As I worked through the wreckage of my situation, those ‘someday’ imagination sessions got me through many a tough moment. They got me thinking seriously about what really mattered to me in life. I discovered that the negative voice I had been hearing inside all my life was not mine. I found my true inner voice and began listening and acting on it. As I did, the negative voice faded dramatically. I stopped seeing my desires as impossible fantasies and began doing whatever it took to manifest them. As they became more and more clear, they served as inspiration to work toward a life that I would find fulfilling and inspiring. And here I am now. Living a life that is challenging, rewarding, unpredictable, and full of diverse experiences. I have zero idea how it’s going to all work out, but it keeps working out as I take each step with faith and purpose. I am finally living the life my heart has always wanted. 

Now, for the ‘be careful what you wish for’ part of this post.

Finding the path that fires your soul will call for courage and sacrifice. Letting go is a huge part of arriving in an inspired place no matter what your pursuit, and is very painful at times. You will feel lost. You will feel selfish. You will fail. You may lose relationships that are important to you. You will feel fear. You will disappoint people you love. You will feel heartless at times and deeply question your motivations for what you are doing. All are part and parcel of authentic living and necessary for us to grow. It is not comfortable nor easy! But, I promise you, it all leads to a place of deep personal connection with what stokes your fire. A place where you no longer wish to escape or be somewhere else. A place where other’s expectations are no longer your own. A bountiful place that has nothing to do with your financial holdings. Yes, we all need money, but it will never, ever, be what brings you serenity, purpose, or love. Only your true path will do that. Money can be taken away in the blink of an eye, just like your health. Some will get financially rich following their true path and others will not. Such is life. Material wealth has nothing to do with wholehearted and purposeful living. The currencies of a fulfilling life are love and time. We all have that to give if we are willing.

So, what would I be doing today if I could be doing anything I wanted? I’d be doing exactly what I am doing. I feel that way literally every day. It’s a state where every night when I lay my head down I’m satisfied if the day had been my last. Let me tell you, that sense of serenity is the greatest wealth I have ever experienced.

Coming up on two years!

Vanlife has proven a spirit expanding experience for me on many levels. I restored and built this vehicle for three years to be my home and do not consider myself homeless. I cannot speak to the experience of those for whom devastating circumstances forced them out of their home and into living in their vehicle. Though I have met many for whom that is the case, I know I don’t have a clue how that feels. So please, keep my very privileged situation in mind as you read on.

My vehicle choice was driven almost entirely by my heart. I had dreamt all my life of owning a rig like this and fulfilling that dream was worth living with it’s space constraints. I knew her tiny living space would provide room for little more than a safe place to hang out in bad weather, sleep, space for food, clothing and tools. My interior is 60 square feet with an interior height of 4.5 feet, which is 270 cubic feet of interior living and storage space. By way of comparison, a modern micro studio is 1800 cubic feet. I have storage for a maximum of two weeks of clothes, food and water. Since I am rolling in a vintage vehicle, (not a giant Sprinter van like most people use for this endeavor), a quarter of my storage space is occupied by tools and spare parts. I have a tiny fridge for protein and condiments. A small kitchen out the back door and a single burner stove on my desk for when weather won’t allow cooking out back. I have just enough solar to keep all my devices fully charged. Literally every nook and cranny of my tiny home is utilized for storing something that fits perfectly in said space. I have achieved an entirely new level of organizational skill when it comes to managing space! And because I only carry what I use, there is still a remarkably comfortable amount of space to hang out inside. It is not at all cluttered or stuffy. It’s much like being inside the cabin of a 24’ sailboat, only a lot less curvy! And yet, despite this diminutive living space, my world is more vast than it has ever been.

This lifestyle has forever clarified for me the difference between wants and needs. I literally do not have room for a new tee shirt until one that I have wears out. I can’t bring anything new aboard without eliminating something of equal mass or dimension. The only unnecessary thing of awkward size that I have in here is a wind chime. It’s beautiful deep tone makes it worth putting up with! I have no collections anymore, except for stickers and magnets from places I travel and friends I swap stickers with. It is truly a life of acquiring experiences rather than things, which is something I have always aspired to. I’ll never forget the feeling as I began selling off everything I owned that would no longer be needed when I launched. I had no idea how much all that stuff weighed upon my spirit, and even my body. I felt lighter and lighter with everything I sold or donated. That lightness of spirit has only persisted and grown. Having so little has made me feel so rich! The gratitude I now have for the most basic of needs is a daily reminder of how blessed I am. Less truly is more.

As I close in on two years of full time vanlife, it has become crystal clear that I have the heart of a nomad. I deeply love both the purpose this lifestyle is serving as well as the lifestyle itself. In mid November I will be rolling south to spend the winter gifting portraits in the Southwest. It will be my first experience traveling extensively without a sense of having a home base like Seattle has been for the last two years. It will undoubtedly bring about new opportunities for me to grow, which is exactly what I’m interested in collecting for the rest of my life!