It's been over six years now since I brought this truck back to life. Over 40,000 miles ticked off on the odometer and rolling along strong. Restoring a derelict vintage vehicle to operational condition and actually taking it on the road full time is a journey unto itself. It teaches one a great deal about life and the evolution thereof. It's one thing to get things working and rolling down the road, it's an entirely different thing to keep things working and adapting to the wear and tear of nomadic life.
Many of my original designs and builds for Hella have required significant revision and changes as I've learned what works for me and what doesn't. Life is a lot like that too. We set out with clear intentions and the path reveals things about ourselves that we either didn't realize at the beginning, or were afraid to admit. The changes these revelations inspire are often painful and not any fun at all. Learning to accept what's being shown to me when it contradicts what I thought I'd be like, who I am, or what I'm doing, is really hard. All my life previous to 2015 I had lived in a locked existence I had been trained in to in my youth. One that called for total sacrifice of my will and desires. Though I have done the work to be functionally free of that sickness, the condemnation and guilt still rise up in the background when I make personal choices that I know disappoint people I care about, and whom I care about what they think of my character. But, the reality is nobody is required to forever stay who they are at any point in time. We have the right and the power to change our path. The crazy thing for me is that I readily and completely accept that reality for the people in my life. They can totally change up their game any way they want and I will just love them along in their new direction. Yet, I struggle to grant myself the same total acceptance when I shift course in a way that affects others. I think that's probably just the way it is for empathic people.
As I journey along my unconventional path as a nomad, I discover more and more that I am most at home when I am unanchored. My heart seeks no perception of security or assurances. I just want to be in the world roaming around and serving my purpose. It's so simple that it's hard for me to accept sometimes. Not because I have any doubt it's right for me. But, because I still struggle at times with knowing I have the right to it.
So, I write this blog today as a means of reminding myself that I have the same absolute right to change that I afford to everyone around me. I wish you all the same authority in your lives.
