Few things will wreck your sense of self worth more quickly and deeply than comparing yourself to others.
I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s. There was no internet or social media influence on any of us. That is, unless you were a weekly reader of People magazine or nightly watcher of Entertainment Tonight! I definitely did not indulge in either of those. Though, I will admit I wanted to be as cool and stylish as Sonny Crockett on Miami Vice. So, there was that! All silliness aside, as a teen and young man I lived in a constant state of shame and worthlessness. I compared myself to the big guys in the gym, to guys with good jobs and money, to guys with beautiful girlfriends, you name it. And I did so all in a negative way. Never in a way that inspired me. Even the adoration and love of my beautiful girlfriend couldn’t dent my sense of inadequacy. Of course, there was a lot more to the source of that bottomless pit of worthlessness than me making toxic comparisons, but let’s stick with the topic here.
For those inclined to feel unworthy of what they desire in life, today’s social media creates an endless feast for self-deprecation. Worst of all, much of the advertising the algorithm serves up is expressly designed to prey upon any sense of personal deficiency we may have. My heart breaks regarding the toxic hellscape that much of social media is for teenagers and young adults in particular. They are supremely vulnerable to being made to feel less than good enough unless they look like, or own the things social media influencers serve up in a relentless stream of sponsored bullshit. It’s a disaster for our young people and I fear it will play out in ever worsening ways for our society.
Back in my young days most people compared themselves to people they knew, or observed, in their sphere of life. Some of this is natural and inspires us in positive ways. But, it is instantly toxic the moment you make a comparison which makes you feel bad about yourself in terms of your physical appearance, abilities, or social status. Those people you are comparing yourself to, (whether in real life or online), are a construct of your assumptions. You have no idea what their life is really like, nor how they feel about themselves. All they present to the world is how they want to be seen. There are precious few people you will ever be close enough to to know the absolute truth of them. You pretty much have to live with someone in order to know someone to that depth. I strive to be as authentic as possible in all my social media. I don’t use filters or do any retouching. Even so, as a professional photographer I know how to create flattering images of myself and I do so most of the time without even thinking about it. Last night I posted a spontaneous video to my Instagram story without reviewing it critically. After it had been posted for a bit I watched it and was instantly self-conscious of how fat my neck looked to me. I had an immediate shame impulse and nearly deleted it. But, as quickly as that impulse hit, I realized how important it was to leave the video up. Not for the sake of anyone following me, but for my own acknowledgement of how grateful I am for my body. For how it works and feels, not for how it may or may not score on anyone’s beauty scale. It was a moment of realization for how far I’ve come in how I truly see and feel about myself. I am finally genuinely accepting of, and grateful for, this body I pilot. It’s been a long road getting here, believe me!
I share all of this in hopes of inspiring you to be very aware of the comparisons you make. To be sure you only do so in ways that inspire you positively and never in ways that make you feel less than the wholly adequate and beautiful wonder that you are. The best practice is not to make comparisons at all. Your life path, your body, your talents, everything that you are is exactly who you are meant to be. Have faith in these things and build upon them. You are already beyond compare.
