As I was parking for the night five nights ago, something went ‘BIG-BADA-BOOM’ in Hella’s rear driveline. It was pretty dramatic and one of those moments every vehicle dweller dreads. Your adrenaline jumps up and great dread descends! Even for a mechanic like me! Sometimes, having extensive knowledge of the vehicle that broke, (like I do with this truck), makes it worse in such a scenario. Because I knew those were very bad and serious sounds! It was late and dark, so nothing was to be done for the night other than push her the remaining 6 feet into my parking spot. Side note; she couldn’t have broken down in a better place short of my friend Paul’s driveway! So, for that I was immediately grateful! But, as I’m sure you can imagine, I didn’t have a great sleep.
The next morning I began the work of isolating components and figuring out where the big bang had originated. Working on a vehicle in public is a hassle. The questions of passers-by and the reality of having to put every tool and case away each time you need to road test makes the work a lot more tiring. But, after about three phases of diagnostic work I found the problem and it should be a pretty simple fix once some parts arrive at my mailbox which is only a mile from where I am parked. See? An awesome spot to break down! On top of all that, one of my longest running patrons saw my Instagram story about what was going on and sent me a donation that will cover most all of the repair! An unbelievable blessing that I did not see coming! Many of my local social media followers have messaged me offering help as well. It’s a beautiful thing to experience so much good will.
Now to the real point of this blog post.
We all prefer things go smoothly. We appreciate problem-free times, and with good reason. It’s comfortable and stress-free when things simply work. But the reality is there is very little learning or personal evolution without the challenge of unforeseen problems. Major malfunctions give us the opportunity to exercise our problem solving skills as well as improve our emotional responses to trouble. Surprise challenges and inconveniences really show us what we’re made of. Sometimes we’re happy with how we reacted and other times we need to learn new skills to better react to problems in the future. Either way, it’s excellent life skill exercise.
As I worked through the problem solving in my current situation it occurred to me how all these principles apply to our relationships as well. It’s important to have open and thoughtful control of our initial reactions when something emotionally charged or difficult pops up between us and a friend or loved one. We need to breathe and think before we react. We need to sincerely listen to what we’re being told, just like me under the rig turning gearboxes by hand in order to find the source of the bad sounds. People who aren’t mechanics would be surprised how critical listening is when diagnosing a mechanical problem. It’s one of my first questions when a friend asks me to help them figure out what’s wrong with their car. What sounds did it make leading up to the breakdown? I listen intently to their answer in whatever way they describe it. Which is exactly how we need to listen when someone we care about has an issue with us. Listen without defense. Listen without working on your response as they talk. It’s not a debate to be won. Simply listen with all your heart knowing they’re telling you what they are because they love you and care about the relationship. If they didn’t they wouldn’t bother talking to you about the problem. Conflicts present the opportunity for more intimacy in our relationships. It takes a great deal of courage to tell someone you love that you’re unhappy with an element of the relationship. Honor their courage by hearing them with an open heart and consideration of what they are saying. If what they say rings true and you take the opportunity for growth that has been presented, you just may avoid the big breakdown in the first place.
If you want to flourish in life you must learn to truly listen. To yourself, your partner, your children, your friends, your family.
You cannot love fully within a relationship if you aren't willing to hear the difficult things. The shares of a hurt heart are your chances to grow in love and care for that person before things reach the big breaking point. Listen...
