Sometimes we are the most difficult person to be honest with. As a recovering people-pleaser I can certainly attest to this!
There is so much to dive into regarding the myriad life experiences that serve to either open our eyes or dim our view.
No matter what has brought you to a place of denial, finding your way clear of it is life changing not only for you, but for everyone in your world. Often, that world would just assume you stay in your comfy delusion of 'this is fine'. One thing is for sure, breaking free of your denial will rapidly reveal who genuinely loves and cares about you and who doesn't. This is a good thing, though always painful. Awakening is vital to your well being and simultaneously a train wreck for your world. Empowering? Yes. Comfortable? Fuck no, not for anybody! A must? Yes.
Decision time comes when you finally allow yourself to see the house is burning down around you. It's at that point you have to honestly asses if you can take steps to save the house or if it needs to burn to the ground.
Taking action to save it is an acknowledgment that you have faith not only that it can be saved, but also that it should. If your efforts are motivated by love and a sense of mutual conviction by everyone involved, then by all means do what must be done to save it. Motivation is key. You need to think twice if you are motivated by a sense of obligation rather than love.
Faith is birthed from a place of self-awareness and honesty. It can only come from a knowing that you are on your true path. This is not to say the path is set and clear, but that it resonates truly with your gut and you aren't discounting red flags when they appear to aid in course corrections.
Denial is the complete opposite of faith. It dismisses your internal pain and alarms while telling you to hang in there and everything will eventually be fine so long as you go with the flow. It's like gaslighting yourself. Nine times out of ten you've been conditioned to discount your own feelings for a very long time. It will never be 'fine', nor will you ever be whole if you are denying your truth.
It's ironic that awakening is so initially painful and laborious while living in denial is often much easier. One can't be truly happy when living in denial, yet it can externally feel like they shouldn't complain. That's the steady grind of denial working on them. Constantly dismissing the hits they endure as something they can't change and simply have to accept.
It's true we can be unbelievably strong and endure much more than one would think. But, what's more true is that we shouldn't allow it if we have the power to change the paradigm. This is where making time for sincere self-assessment is so important. And let me tell you, it's a serious discipline. It takes a long time working at it to reach a point of steady self awareness. Once you're there it becomes a natural state most of the time. It's a place of thriving which draws in your heart's desires. You become more of a blessing to those around you than you ever could have been in your previously frenzied and exhausted state of people pleasing.
There is wreckage as I look back across my journey thus far. Some I had control of and some I did not. There are no two ways about it, this shit is hard. If I could magically take away the pain my choices have caused people I love, I would. When I think about it, the only consolation is that had I not been honest with myself and them, I would have ultimately caused them much more dissapointment and grief. This is because I would have had to move into a place of denial in order to meet their hopes and expectations. In time I would have rolled up into a ball of darkness and desperation that would have made everyone around me miserable. I've lived there before and can never go back.
I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating. I have never in my life had so little and felt so happy. How did I get here? My house burned to ash and I did the difficult work of stepping out of denial, healing, and learning who I truly am and how to honor that.
If your house is burning it's an opportunity to wake up and change your life. Don't waste it.
Sincerely,
Rich
PS> I have the ACA program and my fellow travelers there to thank for showing me the way to heal and re-train myself. If you've never heard of ACA before, check this out-
https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/
