It has taken my entire lifetime to fully accept myself. To know to my core that the person I have become is who I was always meant to be. Without a doubt, the most challenging part of getting here has been accepting truths of myself that run counter to how I was raised and what our culture considers positive. My road journey for the last six years has shown me time and again who I really am. From the inspiring experiences to the frustrating ones, and everywhere in between, each has shaved off more of the fascia of who I was once trying to be. Each notable occasion like a mirror presenting reflections that were often painful and deeply challenging. But, just as often, the reflections left me marveling at what I have traversed and risen above.
I began this chapter of my life rolling west from Ellensburg, WA on the evening of July 31, 2018. I will never forget the feeling of that moment. It was frightening and intoxicating all at once! I felt very floaty and rather lost in the month that followed. It was much easier building up to that huge life change than it was to irrevocably set foot on the path I had chosen. Big challenges rained down quickly in those first few months. The magnitude of what I had done rapidly got heavy. But, there was one thing that kept me consistently positive through that transition. It was the spark of my true self being relentlessly excited about the freedom I was experiencing. Over time that spark became an enduring fire of gratitude and self-acceptance. Neither of which I had ever felt to a substantial degree.
In our culture, people who prioritize their needs to even a modest degree are quickly judged as selfish. I have experienced this many times and at first it was extremely difficult to take. It’s still not easy sometimes! Nobody enjoys being judged. But, here’s the thing where judging is concerned; The more judgmental a person is, the less satisfied they are with their own life. On my travels, some of the people I engage with have very negative opinions regarding my lifestyle. I used to feel like I needed to talk them through it and help them understand so they didn’t walk away thinking ill of me. Nowadays I just feel sorry for the pain and regret they so clearly feel regarding the cages they have built for themselves. I never debate with them. I simply share my story if they want to hear it. In my heart I always hope that they walk away challenged to really think about it once they are alone and no longer feel they have to convince me of my stupidity and selfishness. The majority of the time I experience this it’s with men much older than me. Behind their angsty hubris I see the grief tearing at their guts. The more regret a person carries, the harder it is for them to forgive themselves and get free of it. It breaks my heart when I run across it.
I have truly found that to the degree that you love yourself, you will love others. To the degree you forgive yourself, you will be forgiving and understanding of others. To the degree you accept yourself, the more readily you will accept others without judgment. There is no serenity without granting these things to yourself.
If you readily judge others in petty ways, I invite you to examine what triggers it and look within yourself for what part of you feels so offended or resentful. There's a chance you are reacting to seeing someone behaving in a manner you yourself would like to behave, but you haven’t summoned the courage to show yourself. I get it, believe me! I was there many years ago. The best way to get free of that bondage is to allow yourself to be vulnerable. It will feel terrible at first, but vulnerability is the foundation of courage and transformation. Every positive aspect of who you are and want to be requires vulnerability in order to fully blossom.
