Take a bearing

Living a couple of years in a single city in a rig set up like mine is not difficult. At least it isn’t for me. It didn’t take long for me to find spots to park for the night and locate the public resources in my chosen neighborhood of Ballard. Even with no physical address, Ballard has become my home in Seattle, and it feels good. Seattle was the perfect place for the launch phase of Jackdaw. I’ve made all kinds of contacts and built relationships with amazing organizations here. I’ve had the resources necessary to finish fully modernizing and restoring my drivetrain and proving Hella ready to truly live on the road. Readers of my blog know all the personal reasons why I am also in a good position to finally spend a winter on the road south.

In the 90’s I lived in a Dodge van for 5 years and I’ve spent over 2 years living in Hella full time. All told that’s a fifth of my adult life spent living like this. There’s no doubt I am well adapted to the lifestyle and I look forward to seeing what truly living on the road reveals about myself as well as my purpose.

As I prep for this trip there is a single question that keeps popping up at the back of my brain. Why am I such a solo person? The fact that I am makes me well suited to my path. But, our culture overflows with the message that you must have a partner to be happy and fulfilled. That you need to build a life together based on a shared home and goals. I see the beauty and practicality of these ideals. They are clearly a safer, warm, and more prosperous path in most every way. It’s what most everyone I know wants and works toward.

Then there’s me- Comfortable with living alone in a small truck, at total ease with minimalism, not a care regarding societal judgements or expectations, and no clear idea how it will all work out financially. I’ve become so simple and present that it almost feels like there’s something wrong with me. Maybe there is. Maybe I am the fool so many think I am. I suppose this is my midlife crisis! If so, at least it serves a higher purpose and blesses people. One thing is for sure, I am putting my full heart and faith in the journey.

I have learned in life that our most significant evolutions often come when we let go and dive into uncertainty. Our sense of certainty is an illusion anyway. Everything you plan and expect for yourself is motivating and important, but it’s also pure personal construct. Life can change everything in an instant. 

Set goals and implement your plans, but be certain they square with your heart. Doing so will always set you on a true course. Unfurl the sails and trust your compass. 

Stuff...

 As many of you know, my mom passed in early March. As a result of the pandemic, everything has moved in extra slow motion. It was only two weeks ago that my sister and I finally set about sorting through all of mom's possessions in preparation for conducting her estate sale. For anyone who has been through this process, you know what a monumental task it is emotionally as well as logistically. Mom didn't have a large house or a ton of material possessions. Even so, it took us five dedicated days to sort through everything she had. It didn't matter if it was office supplies, small stuffed animals, gift wrapping supplies, towels, or scraps of paper with her writing on it, everything reminded us of some aspect of mom or a special memory. You can't hurry when carefully sorting through boxes of loose letters and photos. You involuntarily slow down when seeing photos of your parent from long before you knew them. You hear their voice in the letters you read. I feel I have been given new insight into my mom in many ways. It was a very soulful reminding of mom's life. Her hopes, heartbreaks, struggles and joys. We put all those precious documents and photos in serious plastic tubs to keep them safe. I'm so grateful they survived the decades of being loose in all manner of cardboard boxes and envelopes! 

There were many material things I would have kept were it not for the space limitations of my 60 square foot home. There isn't much room in my life for anything that doesn't get used. But, there were a few small and special things that definitely made their way into my home. They are on my walls and hanging in here as well. The perfume pendant in the picture is one of them. It may be my imagination, but I feel like I remember mom wearing the scent that still resides in it.

The last two week's work was also very affirming for me regarding my path. Mom didn't leave behind a large estate and boatloads of stuff. That was never her priority in life. Her legacy is one of loving and blessing others, both family, friends and strangers. Despite all she suffered at the hands of some who hurt her so deeply, she never lost her deep capacity for love, forgiveness, and warmth. Without a doubt, she was and is my greatest inspiration. She definitely left some 'stuff' behind that is precious to my sister and I. But our true inheritance, and mom's greatest legacy, is the generous love and kindness she poured into every minute of our lives. Her spirit flows on through our lives and purpose now. 

Patricia 'Pat' Wacker/Villacres and 'MomMom', you are my hero.