Following your gut will rarely be an effortless and pleasant experience. More often than not, it means pushing through considerable resistance. It's a sad thing how much our western culture prioritizes comfort and the illusion of security. I often have conversations with people who are heavily burdened with the weight of the life they have created for themselves. Many of them have followed the prescribed path and achieved significant financial success. Yet, their lives feel heavy rather than liberated.
I'll never forget the difficult process of letting go of 95% of my material possessions in preparation for the minimalist life I now live. Even though I didn't have much compared to most of my peers, it was still an unsettling experience at first. But, as I progressed through the task it got easier and easier to let go of things. I began feeling a deep sense of freedom that no amount of material possessions could ever deliver. The resistance to liberating myself waned with every step.
By far the most challenging thing to walk away from was my amazing Civil Service job at Central Washington University. It was a true gem with all the job security and benefits one could ask for. At times I felt like a lunatic for walking away from that golden ticket of a conventional path to a terrific retirement. I would have stayed with it two years longer than I did had it not been for my mom's needs. I'm grateful for that motivation getting me out sooner than planned. The timing ended up being ideal not only for me, but for my family as well.
Even with absolute faith in my purpose, there was still tremendous resistance within me at times. It was the classic internal conflict of love versus fear. The resistance we encounter, either external or internal, is almost always rooted in fear. Fear of what might happen, fear of loss, fear of what others will think.
Resistance is the opportunity to face and move through your fears. There is no path to your heart's desire and purpose that will not require periods of moving forward through resistance. Of course, you have to be clear about what you are doing. I'm not talking about blind faith. I'm talking about clarity of purpose. If you are moving with clarity, resistance is almost always a sign that you are going the right direction.
Following my purpose through all the challenges continues to show me more and more about myself. Much of what it has taught me is counter to who I was raised to believe I should be. The journey out of those external expectations and boundaries continues to transform my sense of self and life view. And I'm still not always comfortable with it.
There are low moments when I deeply question my path and where it's taking me. While my choices have created a life that challenges and inspires me, it has also created a very solo path which I've been surprised to discover I'm very comfortable with. So comfortable in fact, that it sometimes conerns me. When I dig in and look into that concern it is always rooted in fear. We are so programmed to think that being alone is bad somehow. That everyone needs to have a partner and if you don't, there's something wrong with you. That's such bullshit. There's nothing more wrong or dysfunctional with the desire to be alone than there is with the desire for partnership. You simply have the desire for one or the other. Not to mention that can always change. Yes, we have the freedome to change our paths!
Which brings me back around to resistance. Whether presenting itself internally or externally, socially or physically, it is always telling you to dig deep. To feel the resistance and get to the root of it so you have full understanding. It's from that place of clarity that you either course correct, or push through. The important thing is that you make a conscious choice for yourself rather than deferring to the flow of external expectations of you.
You choose!
Image> Card from the Urban Crow oracle deck by MJ Cullinane.
