I couldn't close the partition door last night...

I have to sleep with all my lighting gear in the rig on the night after a Jackdaw shoot. It wouldn't be a terrible pain, except for the long background poles that I use. In order to get in bed, I have to run the tubes from my floorboard through the doorway and into the back leaving enough room for me to sleep. It may sound silly, but I don't like it when I can't close the partition door at bedtime. It's just a nice feeling of privacy. In any case, it always seems to be on those nights, when my cab is packed with photography equipment, that something strange happens. And so it did...

At 2am I was awakened by the screams of a seriously disturbed young man walking the railroad tracks I was parked beside. He was screaming 'DAD' over and over so loud and angrily that his voice sounded like it was bleeding! He woke me out of a dead sleep from a quarter mile away. That's how loud he was! I got up to see who was coming toward me and as he got closer he looked like he could be my son. Same build and height as him and wearing the same kind of military surplus jacket he does. I couldn't imagine my son acting like that unless he had experienced something horrific, but I had to be sure. With my lights off I kept watching his approach through the open slot between the door and the doorway. It wasn't until he was literaly at Hella's nose that I was able to conclude it wasn't my son. It was a huge relief of course, but I was still overwhelmed with the desperate energy of this young man screaming 'DAD' over and over with every step. I felt so very bad for him! He was either very emotionally disturbed or having one hell of a bad trip. Either way, it was heartbreaking and bone-chilling at the same time. I could still hear him screaming in the distance 15 minutes after he had passed by. I saw a couple of police cruisers heading his way about the time I couldn't hear him any longer. I hope they were able to help him.

All I could keep thinking about is what could have happened between him and his father to bring him to such a state. It flashed me back to the abuse I suffered at the hands of a stepfather when I was a teen. There are many choices I could have made in my 20's that could have brought me to the same state of painful hopelessness and anger that I felt pouring out of that distraught young man last night.

A single person's actions or a single choice can have such devastating impact on a life. It can take one completely off their rails for a very long time and lead to a cascade of terrible experiences that they may never recover from. Think of the stupid shit you did in your 20's that you were lucky enough to survive without injuring yourself or others. When you see street folks that offend or frighten you, try to recognize their pain and desperation. Instead of disdain, send them merciful thoughts of healing. You can't possibly know what they have been through in their lives. I understand that many of them are not safe to interact with, or even make eye contact. But, try not to be cold. Under different circumstances, their life that so frightens you could have been your own.