Make no assumptions...

Mom has Alzheimers. My sister and I are her caretakers. Nik is carrying the bulk of the load as mom lives with her full time. I come for at least a week a month to get time with mom and give Nik a break. Caring for her as we experience her mental decline has been one of the most painful experiences of my life. There are little joys everyday, but they are in shorter and shorter supply as the disease progresses. Mom is 28 years older than I. Alzheimers began significantly manifesting in her life about three years ago. Over the course of the last year she has completely lost her independence. I don't know about you, but I can't think of any more frightening personal experience than slowly and steadily losing one's memory and mental capacities. Explaining what's happening to her in her moments of clarity is gut wrenching to say the least. It's been my week with mom and a few days ago I found myself thinking that I should have at least 20 more years before such a fate could befall me. I no sooner completed that thought when I realized how unbelievably stupid it was! There are countless life events everyday that could take me out of the game long before that. This very moment could be my last on earth. It's all too easy for those of us that are healthy or successful to assume we have lots of time ahead to pursue our passions. Like most assumptions, that one is most certainly dangerous and rife with potential to generate regret down the road. As I get to know more and more people living on the margins of society, I see with new eyes what a blessed life I have lived. And with that deepening realization, I sense more and more just how precious time is. There really is none to waste.

When I lay down to sleep at night, I am satisfied that if the day had been my last, it was well spent. That's not a feeling I've had most of my life and I'm really happy it's how I feel now. Don't get me wrong, I want with all my heart to be sound of mind and body and keep doing what I'm doing for a very long time! But, I know there's no telling how long that will be. It could be taken from any of us at any moment. Bearing witness to mom's rapid decline has certainly driven the point home for me.

We've all heard the question, "What would you do if you knew you had only six months to live?". Most often I've heard it answered with a litany of bucket list travel experiences and material possessions. I get that, I really do! Hell, this truck is something I've fantasized about having all my and I love the thing. But, it's still just a machine, a material thing. The personal satisfaction it gives me pales in comparison to the fulfillment I experience with every family I create portraits for. When examining my life this week, I realized in a new way that I am living in that '6 months to live' mindset. Not in a fearful way, but in an inspired and purposeful way that makes no assumptions about how much time I have left. I can't tell you what a great feeling it is! Best of all, the road I have chosen affords me lots of time with those I love. Making the leap that I did almost a year ago has been one of the best things I have ever done. It's been a magical and inspiring journey that grows and expands for me with every passing week. Well worth living in a truck to make it possible!

The point of all this? I'm hoping to encourage you, no matter where you are in life, to be brave enough to look honestly at what you are pouring your life energy into. Your time and energy are the most valuable capital you possess. Spend them wisely and with all your heart on the ones you love and activities that draw you all closer together. In so doing, when your time is done you will look back with big joy, a huge smile, and say, "I held nothing back and that was one hell of a great ride!".