So very hard to let them flail...

I'm no paragon of wisdom. But, I've lived long enough to learn hard lessons from monumental mistakes and have consequently become adept at recognizing a looming train wreck. Nowadays I use this radar to good effect in all kinds of scenarios from the trivial to the significant.

Lately I've been struggling to resist using that radar to constantly save someone I care about from themselves. I've helped them avoid so many missteps in the last year that I now see how doing so has kept them from effectively internalizing important life lessons. Lessons that I learned the hard way in my twenties when nobody experienced was watching out for me. As painful and costly as that time of my life was, those disasters were instrumental in ushering me into responsible adulthood. Nothing so mercilessly brings about personal clarity regarding our choices as when the train has jumped the tracks and we're crawling out of the wreckage.

My love for this person is a huge motivation behind my desire to help them avoid suffering from poor choices. But, the reality is that a significant percentage of my compulsion to 'rescue' them from themselves is a selfish desire to not have to deal with the fallout of what could befall them if left to their own devices. In so doing, I have fostered their immaturity and dependence. That's so the opposite of what I want to do! What a true friend, mentor or parent does is encourage and foster responsibility and independence. We should stay focused on living our best life while giving counsel when it is sought and being a helpful resource when those we care about are digging themselves out of a hole of their creation. The key is letting them do the digging.

So, I am working hard to step back and consciously allow them to grow on their own. At times it feels as if there will always be something I am having to release my grip on. Letting go is by far the most difficult aspect of love. It takes faith in a process we cannot foresee and willingness to be vulnerable. Journey on!