Careful what you wish for...

The saying is as old as the hills. Up until recently I always saw it as cautionary in a 'Don't be stupid' kind of way. But, my perspective on it is shifting. I'm beginning to see it as the reference to manifesting that it has always been. It's funny how we can often be fearful of getting what we wish for. I think that's rooted in a sense that we often don't have a clue what we really need, only what we want. Sometimes we don't even know what we want! Well, I submit to you that we often can't figure out what we need until we pursue what we want. Yes, desire can lead us down some pretty dramatic and often tumultuous paths! But, I can't think of a single experience I've had that was rooted in desire that didn't ultimately teach me a great deal about myself. The trick is not berating yourself for making those choices that you later feel were mistakes, even if they clearly were. Instead of getting down on yourself, seek the lesson the experience is revealing to you. Embrace it fully as the opportunity to evolve that it is. Don't hate yourself for actions that you later regret because nothing can change what happened. Instead of scolding yourself, learn from what happened! Forgive yourself if necessary and make amends if you need to. But, do not call yourself trash. We are all sacred and worthy of mercy, especially from ourselves. It's when you refuse to forgive yourself that you head down a truly dark and destructive path. 

The consequences of my decisions in the last year have been significant. I'm following a path that I know I must and I've never doubted it. But, it is revealing things to me about myself that I haven't seen, or been afraid to see, all my life. Challenging things that go against the grain of conventional wisdom. You'd think that would be easy for a 55 year old guy that has chosen to live in a vintage truck and travel around gifting portraits, right? Nope! I don't think it's easy for anyone, in any walk of life, when they have big realizations about themselves that they didn't see coming. Especially when those realizations deviate from the path that you used to be sure was what you needed. We love to think we have our shit figured out and set in stone. That's about the time the earth shakes and splits things wide open! 

As with all realizations, understanding what you're being shown is often the easy part. Accepting it is the bitch. But, once you see your truth, anything less than accepting it will only bring regret and pain not only for yourself, but for those you love as well. 

So, my Christmas wish for you is that you see yourself ever more clearly with every day, and in so doing, you love and accept who you are becoming.

*Russian compass acquired in the Khan el-Khalili in Cairo, Egypt, February 2019.