The interesting opportunity this situation has given me is one of personal reflection. It's probably no surprise, but I am one of those gearhead guys that deeply identifies with his ride. Shocking, right? In my previous life I owned and modified a 1978 Ford Bronco for over 13 years. I had dreamed of owning one of those since I was 13 when they first came out. Looking back at the last years of my marriage and it's ultimate end a few years ago, I can say that I was paying an unhealthy amount of attention to that vehicle. I was finding much of my personal worth and identity in how my Bronco looked and functioned and what sweet modification was next on the build list. I was defining my personal value by external metrics. It was a life lived in constant denial in many ways.
That all changed in the years of my separation and divorce. It took losing nearly everything for me to finally break hard enough to see the truth of my life. I wish it hadn't taken such personal loss, but that was my road and I'm deeply grateful for where it has brought me now. I share all of this because I noticed just yesterday that while I miss Hella, having her down has not depressed or disturbed me like it used to with the Bronco when it had a problem. It's a huge change for me that I'm very grateful for. Hella is not my identity, she's my truck. Yes, I love the damn thing and think it's cool as hell. But, she's not what makes me worthy of anything. Hella is just my sweet ride that gives Jackdaw a friendly, memorable face and is a big part of what makes this all possible. This may all sound a bit silly, but it's a great realization for me. The realization that I am worthy just as I am whether I show up at a shoot with a badass ex-military vehicle, a U-Haul van, or stepping off a Metro bus. And that feels great!
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