Back in Ballard...

Hola my friends. I have returned from 5 days of rest on the peninsula. Most of it was spent in Port Townsend. What a great little seaside town that is! I definitely needed a break, and have returned to my work very invigorated. It may sound strange to say that, since I've only been full time with Jackdaw for a month, but I hit it a bit furiously and between that and my first month of true vanlife, I overheated a bit! It reminds me of the first afternoon of my first day ever at Burning Man. I arrived at noon that day, found Temple Guardian camp and got my rig all set up. I couldn't wait to get out and explore the city! I charged off with no snacks and only a 220z bottle of water. I was completely enamored with the people, art and scope of the place, and before you know it I was on the other side of the city. That's when I went to get a much needed drink of water and realized I had drank it all already. A complete rookie playa mistake! And being brand new to Black Rock City, I was shy to ask for a drink from anybody because I had yet to truly experience the community there other than in sightseeing mode. So, I made my way back to camp. It was nearly two miles back and by the time I arrived I had heat exhaustion. I plopped down in a chair at Guardian camp and they immediately knew what they were looking at. With a smile and good humor, I was given water and the full compliment of jokes about being an excitable virgin Burner! I was fine within an hour and I learned a valuable lesson that day about pacing myself in the desert.

And so, I've learned a valuable lesson about pacing myself with Jackdaw. From the outside it may appear that I am living a permanent vacation. Nothing could be further from the truth. While I don't punch a clock anymore, the demands of living out of a vehicle full time while building a philanthropic operation from scratch are very intense. Add to that my family commitments, and the reality is that I'm working harder than I did in my previous life in Ellensburg as the photographer for Central Washington University. The big difference with my new life is passion. I am deeply inspired and passionate about what I'm doing with Jackdaw. And despite the workload, that makes this a joyful and exciting experience, just like my first day in Black Rock City in 2014! The lesson is, feel the joy, but pace yourself too. Take time to breathe. That's not always easy for me since I am building patron support and feel a deep responsibility to make good on their faith in me and the work I'm doing. I have to remind myself that I am human and it's okay to take some time for myself every day. Isn't it funny the lessons we learn and then have to re-learn? Life is quite the journey!

Darrell and Hella's predecessor!

I am not a financially wealthy man. Buying a vintage military vehicle that needed restoration was not something I had the money for! So, I sold pretty much everything of value that I owned in order to acquire and restore Hella to the state she is today. Darrell is the man who bought the most valuable of my possessions, my 1978 Ford Bronco. I had owned and modified this beautiful trail rig for over 13 years. It faithfully took my family and I all over the PNW, California, Utah and Nevada. It was my dream rig and I didn't figure I would ever sell it. But, life had other plans and a new purpose for me. The story is a long one, but suffice to say the purpose I was given in 2015 wasn't going to be possible in the 78 Bronc. So, like so many things in my life at that time, I had to let it go. And so, the Bronco became Darrell's rig and began a new chapter with him. What a crazy cool thing that Darrell ultimately became my friend as well as a Jackdaw patron! Today he drove to Ballard to have lunch with me and see Hella in person. Damn cool man! You see, I sold the Bronco before I had Hella in my possession. It was Darrell's purchase of the Bronc that funded getting Hella hauled cross-continent from Ontario Canada to Ellensburg Washington. So, the Bronco truly soldiers on in Hella and is a part of Jackdaw's history.

Thank you for your friendship and support Darrell! I am honored to call you friend. The Bronco is in great hands!

Seattle is smokin!

It is so very odd to see smoke like this on Puget Sound! Totally used to central Washington looking like this in the late summer, but not used to it in Seattle! We used to head to the sound for the weekends in order to escape the wildfire smoke. Things keep changing in the West.

Smokiness aside, today was a really great day. I spent most of it introducing myself and Jackdaw to Seattle organizations that have clients or constituents who can make good use of the gift I am giving. It felt great to be starting new relationships that will lead to setting up family shoot days! I am so excited to get shoot days going! Watch my social media as I begin exploring Seattle neighborhoods and community centers in the less privileged parts of the city. It's going to get much more interesting very soon ..

Given the choice...

I'm parked about a mile west of downtown Ballard right at the mouth of the ship canal. I wake up smelling the ocean and hearing seabirds call. My shelter is secure, well equipped and stocked with food and the things I need. I turn on music and have my breakfast. After washing my face, hands, and brushing my teeth, I walk into town. Today I arrived an hour and a half before the library opens, which is where I use free WiFi to do my online work. I could hang out in a nice cafe with a coffee. Some days I do that. But on most, like today, I choose to wait in Ballard Commons park which is kitty corner to the library. I do so because I am drawn to the people that congregate there. Most are living on the street or in their vehicles. To sit quietly and listen to their conversations is very interesting. What I find most intriguing about it is that most of their conversations are not that different from the ones in the coffee shops. Same concerns, laughs and outrages. Then you have the people that are talking seemingly to themselves who's conversations are by far the most interesting. I listened to a man about my age today having a conversation with aliens aboard their flying saucer. He was most concerned with whether they used money of some sort on their planet. He was raving about how that's all that anybody cares about on earth.

The sixties Dodge in the picture belongs to a couple that lives out of it. I haven't met them yet, or anyone in the park for that matter. I'm taking my time letting them all see me. There are a few older folks that I can see will talk to me some day.

Living outdoors is relatively easy here this time of year. It's going to be challenging to see winter descend on these folks.

A week of helping mom

I've been a couple hours south of Seattle for the last week keeping mom company and getting some things done for her. It's been great to have so much time with her, but it has also been challenging. As a result, I have deeper respect for all my sister does to care for our mom. You are amazing Nik!

My tasks this week have run the gamut, and I'm happy to say I've officially completed the mom 'to do' list. Pruning, carpet cleaning, car care, cooking, kitchen mods, cleaning, handyman stuff, you name it! Phew!

I head back to Seattle tomorrow evening to resume focus on Jackdaw. To all you full time caregivers out there, you have my most sincere respect. Thank you for all you do!

Second video...

https://youtu.be/aqgbN65QbksYes, I've started a YouTube channel. The social media train is an interesting ride, to be sure! I won't typically post links to my videos on my blog here, so subscribe to my channel if you want to keep up with the video stream. It should be interesting to watch my editing skill set grow!

Wings...

Every now and then I get asked about the wing necklace I wear.

If you have read the Jackdaw website you know that the inspiration for this outreach arose from a period of great loss in my life. Virtually everything I expected my life to be, fell away in 2013. Years of bleeding and gut wrenching change ensued. Along the way I began doing things I had denied myself for reasons of compromise and practicality. Chief among those things was Burning Man. In early 2014, I met a Burner in the ACA group I had become a part of, and that was all the reminder I needed. I bought my ticket a few months later and despite many obstacles, loaded up the Bronco and hit the road to the Black Rock Desert for my first Burn that summer.

To say it was life changing would be a tremendous understatement. I volunteered and camped with the Temple Guardians. It was a fellow Guardian, Craigster, that gave me the wing necklace. Another Guardian campmate, Crispy, had had the wings custom made for us. From the moment Craigster handed me the wing and I put it on, I knew I would wear it the rest of my life. It was one of many gifts I received on the playa that year. They were all important and meaningful, but this one became part of me full time.

What the wing symbolizes for me is faith. It came into my life as I was finally beginning to see myself worthy of following my instincts and heart's desire. The truth of who I am and what I wanted had always been there, buried beneath all the fear and shame that had been heaped upon me by an abusive step father in my early teens. I had allowed his sick and corrosive words to mold my perception of myself for over 30 years. I didn't realize or see it of course, that's the insidious nature of abuse. The coping strategies we adopt to survive it become our everyday traits as we enter adulthood. The only way to change it is to see it and consciously work to change our behavior. The initial process took me years, and just like with any long term learned behavior, it is something I'll always have to guard against slipping back into my life.

Which is another reason I wear the wing. It reminds me to trust my intuition. That I can change. That I am free and will never again allow myself to be bound by another's expectations.

This wing reminds me that I can fly. I need only be brave enough to leap.

Wobbly you say?

When you drive a vintage rig and an old guy pulls up beside you saying your right rear (RR) wheel is wobbly, you pay attention. I asked him if it's just a little out of whack or a lot. He said A LOT.

I know there's some truth to what he was saying because my wheels are all custom built and I know that the center of the RR wheel is not welded perfectly square to the rim like the other three on the rig. The astute observer following along behind me will notice. But, this guy said 'A LOT'. So, I found a place to jack her up and check that nothing was about to fail. The RR wheel and hub were tight and smooth with no problems. Since I was in my coveralls and had the jack out, I went ahead and jacked up each wheel just to make sure everything was sound, and it all is. When I was done with all that, I put the tools away, started her up, put her in first gear and with her rolling at idle, jumped out to walk behind her making sure I wasn't missing anything. Everything looks normal. Which leads me to hope that the old guy was perhaps exaggerating things. In any case, I appreciate him taking the time to let me know. I hope he was truly wrong!

The new normal

As I watched the sunset from my overnight spot near the ship canal last night, I realized I was finally settling into this new reality of live aboard life. For the first time since leaving Ellensburg and my job last Tuesday, the shock of big change had begun to wane. I was really peaceful watching the late light make it's way higher and higher up Hella's walls as the sun set. I am feeling how truly free I have made myself to pour all my energy into the purpose I've been given. The 'kicked loose' feeling has been replaced with a steady flow of peaceful and determined purpose. It's the kind of warm feeling that fills you up when you know you're on the right track.

Today I begin the task of messaging all my friends that expressed a desire to support this work once I launched. It's my hope that within a month I will add at least 50 more monthly patrons. That would bring me to 70 patrons which would provide just enough financial support to allow me to stay focused on providing family portraits locally. I know full support will come as I continue doing this work. And it will be at that point that I'll be able to extend my reach and begin traveling more. Until then, I'll be based in Seattle and serving my purpose in the needy places here. There's no shortage of opportunities to gift people here.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Jackdaw is no longer in the prep phase, it is happening! If you find value in what I'm doing, please consider supporting the work somehow. Check out www.jackdaw.love to learn how. Thank you!

Yesterday was intense.

I overdid it a little on day one yesterday. It was similar to my first afternoon in Black Rock City when I gave myself a bit of heat stroke. It felt good to park for the night in this sweet little spot by a retired section of track surrounded by berry bushes and tall grass. Waking here has been peaceful and set my spirit in a calmer place. It's quite the experience doing this and it will take me a while to adjust. But, I am thrilled with what is happening and my balance will get better every day. Let's see what today brings!

How to respond?

The outpouring of love and support at my send off from CWU yesterday was amazing. I couldn't even get to everyone there to say goodbye! To those of you I missed, know that I saw you and was honored by your presence. I was given a beautiful planner, (that goes through 2019), stuffed with cards and letters, as well as cards from individuals and departments. I was also given a beautiful CWU mug that I had to very sheepishly decline because of space limitations. One envelope had a really slick flat multi tool that I am already carrying in my pocket.

I began my day today by reading all the cards, letters and notes. It was emotional, to say the least. I knew I did a good job for CWU, but I definitely underestimated how people there felt about me. All your words and the time you took to write them down really touched me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You're all family to me. I feel your support and carry you with me as I begin the work before me. Namaste.