Kicking off 2019 like the motorhead that I am!

I have used my personal funds to buy, restore and modify my truck. Not a dime of Jackdaw patron money has been spent on her. The same is true of the big lift I’m about to undertake with the new drivetrain in January. Hella still runs but with a slipping clutch, she has been pretty much docked for the last six weeks. Her last drive with the original flathead six will be next Friday when I’ll be taking her to the shop where she will be getting a new small block V8 engine and transmission swapped in. I will be doing the work myself under the expert guidance of my professional mechanic friend Paul. He is allowing me to live out of his shop and use his lifts and equipment to get the job done. I would be dead in the water were it not for him graciously giving me this opportunity! It would cost at least $8000 in labor for a professional mechanic to undertake this drivetrain swap for me. Even without having to pay for labor, the engine, transmission and parts are wiping out the vehicle emergency fund I set up for a year before leaving my job at Central Washington University. And that’s just fine. I knew this would happen eventually and that’s why I set the money aside.

I share this for the sake of transparency. As of January my social media will be flooded with images of the work I’ll be doing to Hella and I want it very clear that I am paying for everything that you’ll be seeing transpire. The support my patrons provide goes solely to making photography for families possible, not work or modifications on my truck. I pay for that out of my own resources.

So, sit back and enjoy the show next month as I perform a heart transplant on our sweet girl. When the dust settles she will no longer be the slowest street legal vehicle in the PNW! The nostalgic purr of her original flathead engine will be replaced with some serious V8 rumble. I’ll be posting the process on my Facebook and Instagram feeds, so be sure to follow them if you are interested.

Have a kickass New Year's!

What a difference a year makes

A year ago I was working on the Jackdaw launch strategic plan in the kitchen of the little house I rented in Ellensburg. It was snowy outside and July 31, 2018 felt years away! Now, here I am in constant flux as I flow back and forth between Jackdaw in Seattle and caregiving for mom in Olympia. Nearly every aspect of my life has changed since I left Ellensburg and my job at CWU. It's an amazing and very challenging lifestyle. I find my spirit and perceptions constantly challenged, especially by my mom's situation.

It reminds me of a cartoon I once saw of two figures seated across from each other at a small table. One was 'Comfort' and the other 'Growth'. In the speech bubble Growth is saying, "I'm sorry  but this isn't going to work out". Man, it is so true! I love what I'm doing with my life and energy, but it is not comfortable, nor did I expect it to be. After five months now I can tell you comfort is extremely overrated. Seeking comfort as a life goal will make your world very small and artificial.

My wish for you as you wrap up this year and embrace the next, is that you would examine and challenge your priorities. You may have 60 years of life ahead or 10 minutes. Make the most of your gifts and energy. Get uncomfortable from time to time. I promise you, you'll learn things about yourself that you never could any other way.

Namaste.

Love is the thing!

It's Yule season and I wish you all great blessings! I can hardly believe I've been full time with Jackdaw for nearly half a year now. Living life focused on gifting has been everything I had hoped for and more. The way keeps presenting itself with every leap I take! Thank you to all of you for your moral and financial support. It means more to me and the families I serve than I can say! This is the life of purpose I have been seeking for so long and I couldn't be more grateful for it. I wish you all love and inspiration in 2019!

An interesting opportunity...

Hella has been down with a failing clutch for two weeks now. I'm only driving her very short distances and only when necessary. She's just a month away from a new drivetrain, so it's not a big disaster or anything. Of course, it's not something I wanted to happen, but it's all working out and I'm happy about how the new drivetrain will impact my capabilities.

The interesting opportunity this situation has given me is one of personal reflection. It's probably no surprise, but I am one of those gearhead guys that deeply identifies with his ride. Shocking, right? In my previous life I owned and modified a 1978 Ford Bronco for over 13 years. I had dreamed of owning one of those since I was 13 when they first came out. Looking back at the last years of my marriage and it's ultimate end a few years ago, I can say that I was paying an unhealthy amount of attention to that vehicle. I was finding much of my personal worth and identity in how my Bronco looked and functioned and what sweet modification was next on the build list. I was defining my personal value by external metrics. It was a life lived in constant denial in many ways.

That all changed in the years of my separation and divorce. It took losing nearly everything for me to finally break hard enough to see the truth of my life. I wish it hadn't taken such personal loss, but that was my road and I'm deeply grateful for where it has brought me now. I share all of this because I noticed just yesterday that while I miss Hella, having her down has not depressed or disturbed me like it used to with the Bronco when it had a problem. It's a huge change for me that I'm very grateful for. Hella is not my identity, she's my truck. Yes, I love the damn thing and think it's cool as hell. But, she's not what makes me worthy of anything. Hella is just my sweet ride that gives Jackdaw a friendly, memorable face and is a big part of what makes this all possible. This may all sound a bit silly, but it's a great realization for me. The realization that I am worthy just as I am whether I show up at a shoot with a badass ex-military vehicle, a U-Haul van, or stepping off a Metro bus. And that feels great!

Thanksgiving in San Francisco with Aja

Last week was so sweet. I got to step away from all I'm doing and just be with my daughter for a few days. It was much needed time with her! She's been living and going to school in San Francisco since the Fall of 2016. It's amazing how much she has grown since taking the leap to move there. And what an amazing fit SF has been for her! There's no doubt in my mind that she is exactly where she should be right now. I love it there too and look forward to spending more time there so long as she lives there. What a blessing that flights are so affordable from Seattle to SF!

I hope you all had as blessed a Thanksgiving as I did, and that you live in gratitude every day. I am back on the Jackdaw clock in Seattle now! Shooting for Sacred Heart and Mary's Place families this week and next!

A bit messy and inconvenient, but so worth it.

This is my second time to live in a vehicle. I'm only four months in this time, but definitely in the groove of it now. Instagram is loaded with inspiring pics of #vanlife glamorizing the live aboard lifestyle of those who have chosen to live this way just as I have. There are amazing moments and experiences that come with this path that would be hard to come by any other way. But they are exactly that, 'moments'. While I enjoy this lifestyle and it suits me, it is not endless adventure and glorious vistas out the windows. In my case, it is allowing me to follow my purpose,which is the reason I chose it.

Living in a vehicle is hard when it comes to the practicalities of life. It can be isolating if you aren't careful. It's a bummer in the winter when you can't just have the doors open. Sticking freezing cold deodorant in your warm armpits in the morning is breathtaking. Cooking on a hot plate that takes up half your 2.5' counter can get old. Washing dishes outside afterward is kind of a pain. Crawling into a 40 degree bed is always a treat. Having a tiny wardrobe has an odd effect on how you see yourself. All of this experience inspires self examination in ways one likely wouldn't think of whilst living in a regular home. I love that.

I have gained an odd affection for brushing my teeth outside, especially before bed on a starry night. While it is often messy and frustrating to live out of such a small space, it has a wonderfully grounding effect on me. My tiny Hellahouse has fostered deep gratitude in me for the simplest of blessings in life. Health, food and shelter.

The moments in between...

I just returned to Seattle and Jackdaw mode. I've been in Olympia the last 8 days taking care of mom and helping out my sister with some handyman tasks on her house. It's always surreal returning to this world. My monthly week with mom is very special, and getting more so every time. It's also very challenging. After a week of focused caregiver mode, it's not easy returning to my individual life. It's like stepping between worlds. My ritual upon return is to take a long walk and just be. Let all I experienced with mom during the week settle in and release. Look around and get reacquainted with what I'm doing here. Funny, I've always been a caregiver of sorts. Even Jackdaw has elements of that. Giving is good, and I am blessed to be a giver.

Be well my friends 

Happy Halloween!

This is a unique Halloween for me, that's for sure! My first in over 25 years that I won't have a door for trick or treaters to come knocking on. My son and I carved jack-o-lanterns a couple weeks ago and mine has been set on Hella's Fender facing the sidewalk where I park at night  I can tell the locals have enjoyed it as they walk by in the evening. I was storing it in the truck during the daytime, but like all carved pumpkins do, it started declining a bit too much for that. So, a few days ago I hid it in the tall grass behind where I park for the day. When I returned to my spot that evening, I found it perched on the post as pictured above. No damage done, just set onto a bolt to keep it steady. It looked great, so I left it there and lit it up as usual. It's been three days and nights now and it's still unharmed. So very cool!

I'm a big believer that we reap the energy we sew. Thus far I have been treated very warmly by the locals that walk by Hella daily in my Ballard spot. Many have stopped to introduce themselves and learn about what I'm doing. I know that's largely due to my unique vehicle. But, there's a tremendous amount of good energy surrounding it because of the path I'm on and I believe people sense that. Ballard has been an amazing community to get to know, and I feel very welcome here. I love the maritime nature of the place and am enjoying living here while I build the support for Jackdaw that will allow me to extend my reach beyond Puget Sound. I know the time will come when I will be traveling much more extensively and I won't have a regular home base like I do at the moment. In the meantime, I am blessed to call Ballard my Seattle home.

Thursday I leave for a gig in Wenatchee for a few days and then go directly to Olympia for a week helping out Mom. See you in mid-November Ballard!

Emergence of the primal...

It's been nearly three months since I launched this new phase of my life. The warm weather and the newness is gone. An ancient fire is kindling deep within me. The shift is palpable. Whether good day or bad, it keeps rising. An energy that goes back way beyond this lifetime I am living. I feel my Gypsy surging in every corner of my life like an exquisite tapestry weaving itself before me. A sense that as each day ends, it was all I needed. A completeness when I lay down to sleep. Like if this day were my last it was what it was supposed to be. I no longer ache for something different. The now is right and true. The simplest of things delights me. Food to eat, a place to sleep, a healthy body and mind, and purpose.

This rising within me is my Wolf. I set him free nearly three years ago, but what really lit him up was letting go of everything. Embracing who I am without reservation or shame. Learning to trust my instinct. Relinquishing the need for the illusions of security and safety. Running in faith and the wind. He still has to turn and nip me every now and again when I slow my pace over something. But, I snap out of it quickly with one look in that face of his. I trust my Patronus. Lead on wild one...

Rubber hits the road

I've been based in Seattle for nearly three months now. It's been the best time of year to be a live aboard in Puget Sound. Perfect timing for reacquainting me with this lifestyle. Fall is here now and the days are getting shorter, the nights colder. As I laid waiting for sleep last night, I thought about how warm and comfortable I was in my little rig. I went to sleep peacefully. This morning I drove downtown at 0530 in order to get a primo parking spot at the market for the day. I got to see many street folk bundled up wherever they could find cover. That's always very sobering for me. One man began screaming profanities in the pre-dawn chill as if trying to warm himself up. Only he knows. It was disturbing and heartbreaking.

In the last few days I've realized I have been playing this a bit too safe. It snuck up on me as I saw my savings steadily decline. So, I began trying to make contacts electronically and on the phone so as to save fuel. As I did, Jackdaw's momentum slowed down. I know this work will have lulls from time to time as I seek out communities to serve. But, this was different. Hella opens doors when I arrive new places. That's just a fact, and without her, I'm just another guy walking in the door.

So, Fuel burn be damned! I will be rolling to new communities weekly now. I will have faith that as I do, more support for this work will come on board. The Universe is testing my mettle and I'm all in to show her what I've got.

October week with mom

I spend a week a month helping out mom in her house. She always enjoys having Hella parked out front! Very cute. I don't know what the rest of the neighborhood thinks, but oh well!

It's always a busy week here with her. It's challenging to build up Jackdaw momentum for three weeks and then throttle back for this week. But, it's very important and I get things rolling again quickly with Jackdaw once I leave.

For now, I am focused on what mom needs. See y'all next week!

Live aboard lessons and adjustments

I'm in my third month of living on the road. It's not my first rodeo, so the surprises have been minimal. But, in recent days I have noticed just how broadly the minimalism and financial restraint has seeped into everything I do. With the arrival of the holiday season, and still living on my savings, I have to pass on all the sweet little indulgences I used to make when I had regular income. It's taken me a week of wrangling with myself to allow the purchase of this $4 playground ball to be my Halloween decor for Hella. Ugh! But, that's what happens to your perspective when you're living in survival mode. Buying anything other than food, fuel and sundries becomes a big decision. You begin to scratch the surface of what it feels like to be truly broke, which I am still a fair distance from. I'm sticking with putting all my energy into gifting people and building support for this work. I know that if I started other work in an effort to relieve the stress of dinging my finite savings every week, it would compromise what I'm working to build with Jackdaw.

I'm a very responsible Wolf, but sometimes, you've just got to have a little fun and give in to a holiday impulse! So, Happy Halloween from Hella and I! I hope this jack-o-lantern ball is lucky and stays put. I have certainly learned that anything not locked on or bolted down tends to walk away. Which is what happened to my Cub Scout neckerchief clasp that was wrapped around one of my grille guard bars. Hopefully it's being put to good use with it's new owner. I like that thought.

Have a wonderful day All!

Umbrellas...

I have never liked using an umbrella. As a matter of fact, the only time in my life that I have used one is for sheltering cameras in the rain. I've had this giant Kodak umbrella for over 30 years now. It is seriously heavy duty and nice.

Now that I live in a truck and with very limited wardrobe, not to mention space, it's imperative to keep my clothes dry. So, on this first truly all day rainy day of my new life on the wet side of the mountains, I have been walking with an umbrella instead of just letting myself get soaked in the rain like I've done all the rest of my life. It was no biggie before since I could hang out clothes to dry, not to mention take a nice warm shower, when I got home.

I'm finding it's actually really sweet to walk in the rain with this thing. I like it. Although, it is leaky at the panel seams. I'll stop in to a fabric or hardware store tomorrow to find a waterproofing tape solution of some sort. Because I'll be damned if I'm giving up this cool old Kodak umbrella after all these years! It's actually gotten me thinking about just how old most of my things are. Except for my camera, phone and computer equipment, most everything I own and use is at least 10 years old, if not 20 or 30. I've always bought the best quality stuff I can afford and it has certainly paid off for me. Here's to hard wearing and long serving gear! It only gets better with time.

Tugboat 'Michael Quigg' in the background.

I received a gift today

On my walk to the library I came across a beautiful Seagull flight feather. I've been walking all over Seattle for two months now and this is the first gull feather I have come across. Judging by it's shape and the frayed last inch of it's trailing edge at the tip, I'd say it's been aloft for a long time before being replaced. It's been really fun to examine this morning.

It got me thinking about the nature of a gift. It continues to sadden me a bit how difficult it is for some people to understand what I'm doing. When I present Jackdaw to a new agency or individual, they are understandably skeptical. It's indicative of the society we live in where there is always a catch. All kinds of companies offer 'free' this and that. We all know it is never free. Even if it doesn't cost us something, you can bet the freebie has their brand all over it so you are turned into an advertising vehicle for them. Everyone has to be on their guard to assure they aren't being deceived or screwed over somehow. I patiently wade through the inquisition every time because it is necessary since we are all conditioned that a stranger doesn't give away something valuable for the sheer love of it. That's a sad thing to me. I wonder if it's that way everywhere in the world, or if it's exclusive to a wealthy nation like ours?

In any case, I loved the beautiful feather that I was gifted with this morning. I accidentally left it in the park before coming into the library to work for a while. When I was a block away I realized I had forgotten it and turned around to go back. I got two steps before it occurred to me that I had had my time with it and now it was someone else's turn. Sometimes, the best gifts are the ones you share.

A day of synchronicities

One of the most remarkable benefits of this lifestyle I have chosen is the time it gives me. Time to wander and follow whatever path unfolds for the day. Not all my days are unstructured, but today was. And this unstructured day brought me valuable new acquaintances and experiences. It started off like most of my Seattle days at the Ballard library using their wifi and doing some Photoshop work. After that I boarded the bus downtown and dropped off the prints and digital files at the Lyon. Stepping out their door is when the day opened up.

It's a glorious, sunny Fall day here. One of those days that is pure joy to walk around a city, so I did. As I walked north through downtown from Pioneer Square, I was reminded of an agency called Mary's Place that I've been trying to connect with. I looked them up on my phone and found their downtown address on Dexter. It was several blocks away so I just kept meandering in that direction. After a while, I felt like taking a sit for a bit. I couldn't find a bench, so I headed down a shady street between 3rd and 2nd. I plopped my ass down on the curb next to a gorgeous Pontiac Strato Chief. I took a drink of my water and then snapped the pic at the top of this post. The reflections in her curves were dynamite. As I'm sitting there, the owner of the car comes up with a new parking payment sticker for the window. I greeted him, told him his car was boss and that I just got a great pic of it and would he like to see it? He looked me over and said, 'You look harmless, sure!'. He liked the shot, so I asked if he'd like me to send it to him. He gave me his number and I sent it to him right then. It turns out he's and actor and an artist. His name is Rick. He was working on a large mural in a bar around the corner. I gave him my card and he was happy to have met me. We're connected on Instagram now. Way cool. So, I began walking again, enjoying my music as I went.

I found Mary's Place and was greeted warmly. I told the ladies at the desk briefly what I do and was given the business card of the person I need to contact to set up a shoot. Yay!

After I left Mary's Place, I began walking the alleys toward Lake Union. That's where I spotted the sweet little Goldfinch that had flown into the windows of one of the new buildings there. A very poignant reminder of our temporal nature. After sitting with him a few moments and then saying good journey, I headed down the alley and crossed through some new Amazon building with a cool glass topped breezeway between buildings.

I walked along the west side of Lake Union toward Fremont with the plan to eventually get on the bus to Ballard. It got interesting when I reached the docks full of floating homes. Those things are so damn awesome! I came across one that was open and had no gate. Just a sign that said, 'Private. Residents and Guests only'. I consider myself a guest, so I headed down the dock like I had every right to be there. The little homes were so unique and sweet. As I reached the end of the dock, I came across my first person there. I said hello and how goes it? He smiled and said he had had better days. I said I was sorry to hear that and what's up? He motioned to a large wooden flower box full of beautiful plants floating in the water behind his sailboat. He said he was about to take a cruise on the lake when he realized that somehow his boat had pulled the flower box off the dock edge as he pulled away. He was super bummed and trying to figure out how to get it back up. I said I bet we could get it up on dock together and he accepted my help. We introduced ourselves and got to work. His name is Adam. We got it turned right side up and tried hoisting it the couple of feet up out of the water, but it was just too heavy and it began coming apart as we put more muscle into it. So, Adam grabbed some rope off his boat and we got both ends tied up tight and maneuvered it back into lifting position. Using the ropes as handles we just managed to get it up on the dock with a mighty effort. We were relieved and happy! So see? I was a guest after all. Another new friend made by wandering where my heart leads me. I then relaxed on the end of the dock for a few minutes before saying goodbye and heading back to the street to catch my bus.

I tell ya, the lifestyle that living out of Hella allows me is not a sacrifice. It is an inspiration and blessing all the time. Namaste.

The rain descends

My work for today is done. I'm parked at the marina where my son lives. It's nearly six pm and I've been reading for about an hour. It's one of those moments when I marvel at how nice my living space is. Even on this rainy, dreary evening, I have plenty of natural light to read by. It's warm and dry in here and I have an apple and a fresh loaf of sourdough to snack on. As you all know by now, I spent nearly five years living in a van 30 years ago in order to get my photography career off the ground after I graduated from the Art Institute of Seattle. And even though I chose that path and was excited about it, it was much harder than this time around. I felt displaced and like I didn't belong anywhere. The van was dark inside and not nearly as comfortable as Hella. So, on days that I didn't have work, I did a lot of driving to pass the time. It's the complete opposite with Hella. I built her to serve as my home and I enjoy time spent here when weather forces me indoors or I need a respite from public spaces. It's a huge contrast!  One of the most popular Instagram hashtags for vanlifers is #homeiswhereyouparkit. Well, when you've chosen this path and built a rig with that intent, that tagline is absolutely true! No debt and no rent. That is some serious wealth and freedom my friends. This lifestyle isn't for everybody. But, if you've ever considered it, feel free to give me a shout and I'll share my experience with you.

"Are you happy?"

A dear friend asked me this today as she sat in Hella looking around for the first time. It takes about 2 minutes to tour this little house! I had just seen her home for the first time a couple of hours previous and the contrast between the two couldn't have been greater. I'm not sure why she asked me that in that moment, but my answer came immediately and without doubt or hesitation. Yes, I am happy. As a matter of fact, I have never been so happy in all my life. There is no sacrifice in what I'm doing with my life. Quite the contrary really. It may be hard for some to believe me when they see my 60 square foot home in person for the first time. What many don't get is that my life is not contained in this little space, (though I know she gets it), I simply eat and sleep here. I live out in the world. One of my favorite aspects of this lifestyle is how it relentlessly thrusts me out into the world around me. Hella is comfortable and a nice place to awaken in the morning and wrap a day. But, I definitely do not 'live' in here! I rest here. I cook here. My few possessions are here. I dream and plan here. But the doing of life is all around me. I never know for sure where I will land each day and that inspires me deeply. It's a steady reminder of the reality that change is the only constant in life. That each and every day could be my last. It is an amazing gift to live in that flow the way I get to and it suits me very well. I think that for me now, the home I aspire to build is one of connection with my fellow humans and the world around me. And this tiny rolling box I call my home is the perfect vehicle to build that empire of love.

A week for mom

This is my precious mom. She is a big part of why I am doing what I'm doing right now. Leaving my full time job at CWU not only freed me up to expand portrait gifting to my full time purpose, it also freed me to give back to this amazing woman who has given me more than anyone in my life. I don't think I could love her more than I do! And now that I am free from the anchor of a full time job 200 miles from where she lives, I will be spending at least a week a month with her. I park Hella on her front yard and spoil her for a week. It's challenging switching gears from all I have going on with Jackdaw, but it's a very rewarding and grounding experience to focus on her life and needs for a week. Being with her always teaches me new things about her and myself. My week here is up tomorrow and I head back to Seattle. Back to my passion and some new and very exciting developments for Jackdaw. In the wake of this last week spent with my mother, I go forward with deep gratitude for all she has instilled in me. Love, kindness, gentleness and faith. You laid the foundation of the person I have become Mom. Thank you from the deepest part of me. You define the spirit of Jackdaw and you live in this work with me. All my love Dear one!

A timely gift...

Yesterday, my friends Arcelia and Jonas swung through Ballard to say hello. They gave me some very thoughtful gifts. A necklace from Jonas and a book and crystal from Arcelia. It was very sweet! The book is one of her favorites as well as mine. It's 'Illusions. The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah', by Richard Bach. I had this book many years ago and lent it out to someone, never to see it again. Incidentally, the same thing happened to Arcelia's copy! So, she bought me a new one for my journey. The timing couldn't be more perfect and I will enjoy revisiting these pages that I have read a few times in my life. It is even more timely for me now. I flipped it open this morning to see what random page it would open to, and the one pictured is where I landed.

I know I am doing what I am meant to do with my life. I feel it to my core with a certainty I have never felt before. Fears occasionally show up, but fall away as quickly as they materialized. One of the amazing aspects about letting go of my worldly 'empire' is that I have very little left to guard or protect. It has freed my heart to love in ways I had been afraid to in my previous life. Nothing to guard, total acceptance of who and what I am, and the same acceptance of everyone I meet. No more concern with earning anybody's respect or approval. I am just me doing what I am meant to do. No more illusory 'future' to build. Just love to give in this day and let life be what it will. This state of being is all the wealth I could ever ask for. Talk about blessed!

Follow your wild heart and have a wondrous day!

A day at Pike Place Market

Parking was free in Seattle today, so I got up early to assure a killer parking spot at the market this morning. Hella worked her usual magic and I spoke to well over a hundred people today. It was a fantastic day of generating Jackdaw awareness as evidenced by my website lighting up tonight. Definitely time well spent and we made a lot of people smile! Now I'm going to crash!

Back in Ballard...

Hola my friends. I have returned from 5 days of rest on the peninsula. Most of it was spent in Port Townsend. What a great little seaside town that is! I definitely needed a break, and have returned to my work very invigorated. It may sound strange to say that, since I've only been full time with Jackdaw for a month, but I hit it a bit furiously and between that and my first month of true vanlife, I overheated a bit! It reminds me of the first afternoon of my first day ever at Burning Man. I arrived at noon that day, found Temple Guardian camp and got my rig all set up. I couldn't wait to get out and explore the city! I charged off with no snacks and only a 220z bottle of water. I was completely enamored with the people, art and scope of the place, and before you know it I was on the other side of the city. That's when I went to get a much needed drink of water and realized I had drank it all already. A complete rookie playa mistake! And being brand new to Black Rock City, I was shy to ask for a drink from anybody because I had yet to truly experience the community there other than in sightseeing mode. So, I made my way back to camp. It was nearly two miles back and by the time I arrived I had heat exhaustion. I plopped down in a chair at Guardian camp and they immediately knew what they were looking at. With a smile and good humor, I was given water and the full compliment of jokes about being an excitable virgin Burner! I was fine within an hour and I learned a valuable lesson that day about pacing myself in the desert.

And so, I've learned a valuable lesson about pacing myself with Jackdaw. From the outside it may appear that I am living a permanent vacation. Nothing could be further from the truth. While I don't punch a clock anymore, the demands of living out of a vehicle full time while building a philanthropic operation from scratch are very intense. Add to that my family commitments, and the reality is that I'm working harder than I did in my previous life in Ellensburg as the photographer for Central Washington University. The big difference with my new life is passion. I am deeply inspired and passionate about what I'm doing with Jackdaw. And despite the workload, that makes this a joyful and exciting experience, just like my first day in Black Rock City in 2014! The lesson is, feel the joy, but pace yourself too. Take time to breathe. That's not always easy for me since I am building patron support and feel a deep responsibility to make good on their faith in me and the work I'm doing. I have to remind myself that I am human and it's okay to take some time for myself every day. Isn't it funny the lessons we learn and then have to re-learn? Life is quite the journey!

Darrell and Hella's predecessor!

I am not a financially wealthy man. Buying a vintage military vehicle that needed restoration was not something I had the money for! So, I sold pretty much everything of value that I owned in order to acquire and restore Hella to the state she is today. Darrell is the man who bought the most valuable of my possessions, my 1978 Ford Bronco. I had owned and modified this beautiful trail rig for over 13 years. It faithfully took my family and I all over the PNW, California, Utah and Nevada. It was my dream rig and I didn't figure I would ever sell it. But, life had other plans and a new purpose for me. The story is a long one, but suffice to say the purpose I was given in 2015 wasn't going to be possible in the 78 Bronc. So, like so many things in my life at that time, I had to let it go. And so, the Bronco became Darrell's rig and began a new chapter with him. What a crazy cool thing that Darrell ultimately became my friend as well as a Jackdaw patron! Today he drove to Ballard to have lunch with me and see Hella in person. Damn cool man! You see, I sold the Bronco before I had Hella in my possession. It was Darrell's purchase of the Bronc that funded getting Hella hauled cross-continent from Ontario Canada to Ellensburg Washington. So, the Bronco truly soldiers on in Hella and is a part of Jackdaw's history.

Thank you for your friendship and support Darrell! I am honored to call you friend. The Bronco is in great hands!

Seattle is smokin!

It is so very odd to see smoke like this on Puget Sound! Totally used to central Washington looking like this in the late summer, but not used to it in Seattle! We used to head to the sound for the weekends in order to escape the wildfire smoke. Things keep changing in the West.

Smokiness aside, today was a really great day. I spent most of it introducing myself and Jackdaw to Seattle organizations that have clients or constituents who can make good use of the gift I am giving. It felt great to be starting new relationships that will lead to setting up family shoot days! I am so excited to get shoot days going! Watch my social media as I begin exploring Seattle neighborhoods and community centers in the less privileged parts of the city. It's going to get much more interesting very soon ..

Given the choice...

I'm parked about a mile west of downtown Ballard right at the mouth of the ship canal. I wake up smelling the ocean and hearing seabirds call. My shelter is secure, well equipped and stocked with food and the things I need. I turn on music and have my breakfast. After washing my face, hands, and brushing my teeth, I walk into town. Today I arrived an hour and a half before the library opens, which is where I use free WiFi to do my online work. I could hang out in a nice cafe with a coffee. Some days I do that. But on most, like today, I choose to wait in Ballard Commons park which is kitty corner to the library. I do so because I am drawn to the people that congregate there. Most are living on the street or in their vehicles. To sit quietly and listen to their conversations is very interesting. What I find most intriguing about it is that most of their conversations are not that different from the ones in the coffee shops. Same concerns, laughs and outrages. Then you have the people that are talking seemingly to themselves who's conversations are by far the most interesting. I listened to a man about my age today having a conversation with aliens aboard their flying saucer. He was most concerned with whether they used money of some sort on their planet. He was raving about how that's all that anybody cares about on earth.

The sixties Dodge in the picture belongs to a couple that lives out of it. I haven't met them yet, or anyone in the park for that matter. I'm taking my time letting them all see me. There are a few older folks that I can see will talk to me some day.

Living outdoors is relatively easy here this time of year. It's going to be challenging to see winter descend on these folks.

A week of helping mom

I've been a couple hours south of Seattle for the last week keeping mom company and getting some things done for her. It's been great to have so much time with her, but it has also been challenging. As a result, I have deeper respect for all my sister does to care for our mom. You are amazing Nik!

My tasks this week have run the gamut, and I'm happy to say I've officially completed the mom 'to do' list. Pruning, carpet cleaning, car care, cooking, kitchen mods, cleaning, handyman stuff, you name it! Phew!

I head back to Seattle tomorrow evening to resume focus on Jackdaw. To all you full time caregivers out there, you have my most sincere respect. Thank you for all you do!

Second video...

https://youtu.be/aqgbN65QbksYes, I've started a YouTube channel. The social media train is an interesting ride, to be sure! I won't typically post links to my videos on my blog here, so subscribe to my channel if you want to keep up with the video stream. It should be interesting to watch my editing skill set grow!

Wings...

Every now and then I get asked about the wing necklace I wear.

If you have read the Jackdaw website you know that the inspiration for this outreach arose from a period of great loss in my life. Virtually everything I expected my life to be, fell away in 2013. Years of bleeding and gut wrenching change ensued. Along the way I began doing things I had denied myself for reasons of compromise and practicality. Chief among those things was Burning Man. In early 2014, I met a Burner in the ACA group I had become a part of, and that was all the reminder I needed. I bought my ticket a few months later and despite many obstacles, loaded up the Bronco and hit the road to the Black Rock Desert for my first Burn that summer.

To say it was life changing would be a tremendous understatement. I volunteered and camped with the Temple Guardians. It was a fellow Guardian, Craigster, that gave me the wing necklace. Another Guardian campmate, Crispy, had had the wings custom made for us. From the moment Craigster handed me the wing and I put it on, I knew I would wear it the rest of my life. It was one of many gifts I received on the playa that year. They were all important and meaningful, but this one became part of me full time.

What the wing symbolizes for me is faith. It came into my life as I was finally beginning to see myself worthy of following my instincts and heart's desire. The truth of who I am and what I wanted had always been there, buried beneath all the fear and shame that had been heaped upon me by an abusive step father in my early teens. I had allowed his sick and corrosive words to mold my perception of myself for over 30 years. I didn't realize or see it of course, that's the insidious nature of abuse. The coping strategies we adopt to survive it become our everyday traits as we enter adulthood. The only way to change it is to see it and consciously work to change our behavior. The initial process took me years, and just like with any long term learned behavior, it is something I'll always have to guard against slipping back into my life.

Which is another reason I wear the wing. It reminds me to trust my intuition. That I can change. That I am free and will never again allow myself to be bound by another's expectations.

This wing reminds me that I can fly. I need only be brave enough to leap.

Wobbly you say?

When you drive a vintage rig and an old guy pulls up beside you saying your right rear (RR) wheel is wobbly, you pay attention. I asked him if it's just a little out of whack or a lot. He said A LOT.

I know there's some truth to what he was saying because my wheels are all custom built and I know that the center of the RR wheel is not welded perfectly square to the rim like the other three on the rig. The astute observer following along behind me will notice. But, this guy said 'A LOT'. So, I found a place to jack her up and check that nothing was about to fail. The RR wheel and hub were tight and smooth with no problems. Since I was in my coveralls and had the jack out, I went ahead and jacked up each wheel just to make sure everything was sound, and it all is. When I was done with all that, I put the tools away, started her up, put her in first gear and with her rolling at idle, jumped out to walk behind her making sure I wasn't missing anything. Everything looks normal. Which leads me to hope that the old guy was perhaps exaggerating things. In any case, I appreciate him taking the time to let me know. I hope he was truly wrong!

The new normal

As I watched the sunset from my overnight spot near the ship canal last night, I realized I was finally settling into this new reality of live aboard life. For the first time since leaving Ellensburg and my job last Tuesday, the shock of big change had begun to wane. I was really peaceful watching the late light make it's way higher and higher up Hella's walls as the sun set. I am feeling how truly free I have made myself to pour all my energy into the purpose I've been given. The 'kicked loose' feeling has been replaced with a steady flow of peaceful and determined purpose. It's the kind of warm feeling that fills you up when you know you're on the right track.

Today I begin the task of messaging all my friends that expressed a desire to support this work once I launched. It's my hope that within a month I will add at least 50 more monthly patrons. That would bring me to 70 patrons which would provide just enough financial support to allow me to stay focused on providing family portraits locally. I know full support will come as I continue doing this work. And it will be at that point that I'll be able to extend my reach and begin traveling more. Until then, I'll be based in Seattle and serving my purpose in the needy places here. There's no shortage of opportunities to gift people here.

This is where the rubber meets the road. Jackdaw is no longer in the prep phase, it is happening! If you find value in what I'm doing, please consider supporting the work somehow. Check out www.jackdaw.love to learn how. Thank you!

Yesterday was intense.

I overdid it a little on day one yesterday. It was similar to my first afternoon in Black Rock City when I gave myself a bit of heat stroke. It felt good to park for the night in this sweet little spot by a retired section of track surrounded by berry bushes and tall grass. Waking here has been peaceful and set my spirit in a calmer place. It's quite the experience doing this and it will take me a while to adjust. But, I am thrilled with what is happening and my balance will get better every day. Let's see what today brings!

How to respond?

The outpouring of love and support at my send off from CWU yesterday was amazing. I couldn't even get to everyone there to say goodbye! To those of you I missed, know that I saw you and was honored by your presence. I was given a beautiful planner, (that goes through 2019), stuffed with cards and letters, as well as cards from individuals and departments. I was also given a beautiful CWU mug that I had to very sheepishly decline because of space limitations. One envelope had a really slick flat multi tool that I am already carrying in my pocket.

I began my day today by reading all the cards, letters and notes. It was emotional, to say the least. I knew I did a good job for CWU, but I definitely underestimated how people there felt about me. All your words and the time you took to write them down really touched me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You're all family to me. I feel your support and carry you with me as I begin the work before me. Namaste.

Goodbye little house.

I walk away from this house for the last time today. It was a warm and safe place for my son and I the last 4+ years. It virtually became his place when I moved into Hella over a year ago! All the good, painful, and miraculous things that happened in my life while I lived here, had nothing to do with this house. It was simply the shelter for that time. I am grateful for it and have prayed blessings upon it for it's next occupants. Thank you 515 W 13th. You have a good spirit.

Promises...

I've learned a great deal about promises thus far in life. I've kept most all that I have ever made. But, I've broken some very significant ones. When my children were young and their friend's parents began divorcing, I promised them they would never have that experience. It's painful to think of those broken promises, even though their lives are better now than if things had stayed the way they were. All kinds of circumstances in life can, and will, affect our ability to keep our promises. The reality is there is only one promise I can make and keep my entire life without fail. That promise is to love. This doesn't mean I will forever be here for the ones I love, or that they will always return my love or be there for me. Love is not a contract, it is a gift. It can be accepted, rejected or even trampled. The point of loving is to give with a whole heart and without expectation. As I continue on my path I am learning that the more liberal I am with love, the more it fills up my being. I wish you all very brave, open hearts!

They came to say adios!

Thank you to my friends that were able to come by and say farewell last night at the depot! Many others messaged me while I was there to wish me well on my journey  You all rock  thank you!!

Ten days til leap!

I've been busting ass getting myself and my son ready to leave at the end of this month, not to mention wrapping up my time as CWU's photographer and handing it off to the next person to assume the mantle. I leave CWU in very talented and capable hands. My son will be living in Seattle on a 45' sailboat with two incredibly inspiring humans. What a blessing! Everything continues falling into place in ways I never could have imagined. The affirmations of my path literally make me cry at times. This is an incredibly moving experience and opportunity. Thank you all for rolling with me. I have no doubt this will be quite the ride!

Three week countdown!

It's amazing to me that there are only three weeks left until I leave Ellensburg and begin full time pursuit of portrait gifting! The degree to which everything is falling into place is nothing short of magical. I can't express how blessed I feel! Thank you for all your support and for following along. It's about to get a lot more interesting!

At the Northwest Overland Rally in Plain!

I am conducting a photography workshop for kids at the rally tomorrow. Super fun! Hella broke down trying to get here last year and I ended up borrowing my sister's XTerra to get here just for my workshop. Thanks Nik! This is much better though! Presenters and Vendors got in early. That's why it looks empty. It will be filling up very soon ! There was a huge line of rigs waiting to get in when I rolled onto the grounds. It felt very VIP to just tool on in. Sweet.